We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You were trust falling into bushes
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
