You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
