sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
