If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
