You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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