i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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