mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
