How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
