If i come over, it means nothing
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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