fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
