All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
