life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
