the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize