I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
