I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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