Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
