drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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