A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize