I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
