if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You made out with two different species that night
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm getting married
To pizza
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
