I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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