I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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