i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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