the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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