I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
