God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
