Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
