im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
