I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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