I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
