wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
