So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
