Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
