Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Everclear isn't food dammit
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
