I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
