sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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