I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
