she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
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