doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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