don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
