mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
