Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
