You just made me feel so damn special
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
