how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
