So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
