i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
