I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
