I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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