i think my tv is drunk
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
