Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
