You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize