Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
