I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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