she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
