I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize