Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
