i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
