normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Can you bring me the toilet please
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
