New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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