Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
