hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
there's paper in my vomit.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Shame - the story of my life.
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