just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
