Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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