I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
