dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
