That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
