I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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