just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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