Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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