if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize