Plan B is the new Plan A
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
They took my balls.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
