it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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