Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
